Wanted
by jtav
Summary: Liara had always wanted to lose her virginity to someone who loved her-not to Miranda in a one night stand before the end of the world. Fate can be very strange.


The hotel elevator zoomed upward as a flashing indicator displayed the floor number. Fifth, thirteenth, twenty-second…Liara shivered. Why did Miranda's room have to be so very high up? There was a part of her that wanted to stop the elevator and retreat to safety. She had gone her entire life without a sexual encounter. There was no shame in refusing it now.

_If you really believed that, you wouldn't be here._ It wasn't supposed to be like this. The union was supposed to be an act of supreme love and trust. She would not engage in it casually or lightly. She could afford to wait centuries if need be. That was before the Reapers came. Shepard was as blusteringly confident as always, but Liara was more realistic about the odds of survival. She wanted to know how it felt to join mind and soul with another being so intimately, to see if it was truly as transcendent as she had always believed. At least she would have that if the worst came to pass.

And at least she did trust Miranda. Miranda had been the one who had helped her scour terminals in search of the Observer. She had been there along with Shepard when Liara took down the yahg. And hadn't she trusted Miranda with her life a thousand times over on this quest to find allies to fight the Reapers? Her mind and body ought to be small compared to that. Miranda was as blunt and subtle as a biotic attack. The yahg's record of her time with the dating service had shown what kind of lover she was: she had taken her pleasure from those men with a cold directness devoid of sentiment. That was fine with Liara. Love and time were luxuries she could no longer afford. Miranda was beautiful, skilled, and unattached. That would have to be enough. Surely there were worse fates than losing her virginity to the "perfect Ms. Lawson?" And Miranda had not mocked her when she had made her blushing, stammering request. She had merely looked at Liara with a grave, enigmatic expression and asked her if she was sure that was what she wanted. The night before they arrived on Thessia, she had sent Liara a note containing nothing but the hotel name, room number, and a time. And so, here Liara was.

The elevator door opened, and Liara stepped into the hall. The Excelsior was a much more expensive hotel then where the rest of the _Normandy_ crew was staying. Plush green carpet covered the floor while reproductions of classical paintings lined the walls. It was the sort of place Benezia would have stayed while on business. Not the sort of place Liara would have pictured being home to such…assignations, but Miranda had always had expensive tastes.

Tension roiled in her gut. Last chance to run. Instead she rapped on the door.

Liara wasn't sure what she expected—perhaps Miranda already naked in bed with the cover thrown back—but Miranda lounged on the couch opposite her. Liara sucked in a breath. She could count on one hand the number of times she'd seen Miranda out of uniform in the last three years. The burgundy silk robe clung to her, giving her a faintly decadent air. Her hair was glossier than normal, catching the warm light above. Liara had been fascinated by Miranda's hair: long, thick and thoroughly alien. An unopened bottle of wine and two glasses stood on the table.

Their gazes locked. Liara's mouth went dry as the power of speech deserted her. What did one say in these situations? What was the proper etiquette for a one night stand? Should she hug Miranda? Kiss her? Begin undressing? Miranda was watching her cheerfully. There was no trace of the ice that had so terrified Liara on Omega, but it was still unnerving, like watching a predator as it sized up its prey. And, all things considered, perhaps that was a more apt metaphor that it should have been.

But then Miranda smiled. It was a slow, gradual thing that unfurled like a ship's sail. It made her seem younger somehow, more approachable. She rose and closed the distance between them and took Liara's hands in hers. Heat radiated off her like a pleasantly warm fire. "Liara," she whispered. Her gaze flickered to the wine bottle. "Do you want something to drink? Or I can order some dinner if you want."

Liara blinked. She tried to imagine keeping anything down and was rewarded with a twisting in her gut. The idea of keeping anything down seemed impossible. "Can we—can we just get it over with?"

Miranda stepped back so abruptly that Liara nearly lost her balance. The expression in her eyes might have been anything from pain to resignation. Her shoulders slumped almost imperceptibly as she picked up the bottle. "Of course," she said tonelessly. "Just let me put this away. Good wine's too rare to go to waste, especially these days." She marched toward the kitchen area without another word.

Liara watched her go. Seconds then minutes ticked by, but Miranda did not return. Goddess, was sex supposed to be this awkward? A sudden, inexplicable guilt wormed its way into her gut. There were so many rules for social interaction that she had simply never learned and that no one ever explained. Had she committed some unforgivable faux pas by refusing to drink? Perhaps she had ruined some carefully crafted plan of Miranda's. She did seem the type to plan even her one night stands down to the last detail. Only Liara had gone off script. Best go find Miranda and figure out what she did wrong so she wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

She found Miranda in front of the refrigerator, tension knotted her shoulders and her head was bowed. "Is something wrong?" Liara asked softly.

Miranda shook her head but did not turn around. "No! I just thought you would want a little romance, a little seduction." There was a raw note in her voice Liara had never heard before. "Clearly I misunderstood. I'll give you what you want. Quick, clean, emotionless. Just give me a moment. "

"It's not what I want." The words came out before she could stop them. "I used to dream about how special this was supposed to be. Wonderfully intimate and romantic. But I'll settle for what I can get."

Miranda turned back to her. Her lips were parted slightly. "Don't settle," she whispered. Her hand hovered over Liara's cheek, almost but not quite touching. "These fantasies of yours: how did they go?"

"You'll laugh at me."

"I won't." Miranda's voice was a low purr that made electricity race up and down Liara's spine. "You can have anything you want, but you have to ask for it."

Anything she wanted. Anything she wanted from the mighty Miranda Lawson. The electricity intensified, like a biotic attack waiting to be unleashed. "There's a—we kiss."

"Like this?" Miranda pressed her lips against Liara's own. The pressure was surprisingly gentle. Liara could almost believe she imagined it. She hadn't known Miranda knew how to be gentle. This was positively chaste, the sort of kiss Liara had stolen in the schoolyard in her thirties.

And not what she wanted at all. "Slower," she said when Miranda pulled back. "Deeper."

Miranda smiled at that, her eyes glittering with-ill-concealed pleasure. "As you wish."

This time Miranda cupped her cheek, her thumb and forefingers tracing the lines of Liara's jaw. Her other arm snaked around Liara's waist as she crushed Liara to her. Liara could feel the heat of her even through the silk and her own dress. The scent of vanilla filled her nostrils. Miranda began slowly, molding Liara's mouth to hers and tracing the outline of Liara's lips with her own. There were cheap romances that spoke of "dueling tongues" but this was nothing like that. Miranda moved over and around her, more like a dancer than a fighter. Her teeth skimmed Liara's lower lip. The pressure was sharp, not quite painful, and made the rest of it seem all the more real. Goddess, this was really happening. She fisted her hands in Miranda's hair. Oh, yes. Exactly as soft and silky as she had imagined. And so much of it! Desire coursed through her like molten lava. She could happily kiss like this for the rest of her life.

But she had to come up for air. Miranda was shaking, her normally pale skin only a few shades lighter than her robe."Was that… was that what you wanted?"

"Can I have more?"

Miranda chuckled. Her lips were hot and quick, trailing kisses on her cheeks, her eyes, seemingly anywhere she could find exposed skin. Liara's breath came in short, quick gasps when it came at all. The world narrowed and sharpened to the feel of Miranda's mouth on her, though she was dimly aware she was being led step by step back to the main room. And yet, it still was not enough. Her hands roamed Miranda's back, tracing up and down Miranda's spine. Now it was Miranda who gasped for air. And always the terrible, intoxicating warmth. She wanted the thin layer of silk gone, wanted to touch her.

"I want you to take that off." She shook her head. "No, wait. Let me undress you. You shouldn't have to do all the work."

Miranda nodded. The knot at the belt was surprisingly easy to undo, even though Liara's fingers felt large and clumsy. She opened the robe. Miranda wore nothing underneath. Liara had never seriously considered what Miranda looked like naked, but the reality was a marvel. She was lithe and lean as some ancient jungle predator. Years as an operative had given her muscles that tensed and flexed even now. All that power, and she had placed it at Liara's command for the night. The idea still seemed incredible. Liara drank in the sight of her, all of her. A layer of neatly trimmed dark hair covered her joining. Did humans have hair everywhere? Miranda stared back at her. A slight smile graced her lips and there was no embarrassment on her face. Of course not. She probably reveled in being stared at, even if it was only Liara who was doing the staring.

Her breasts were high and firm, as pale and perfect is the rest of her. Liara couldn't help herself. She reached out to cup Miranda's breast. The feel of her bare skin was hotter, more electric than Liara could have dreamed. Miranda grunted as if she were in pain, and the spell was broken.

"I'm sorry," Liara stammered, her cheeks heating from embarrassment instead of desire. "I read that human women were supposed to like that. Did I do it the wrong way?"

"I don't think there is a wrong way," Miranda managed shakily. "Do what you want. This is your show tonight. I'll tell you if you hurt me." A slight smirk. "Though I'd have thought you'd rather we were both naked. Or did you always think of yourself as the type to do it mostly clothed?" Her voice was returning to its normal matter-of-fact tone, but the way she was caressing Liara's neck suggested anything but normal. "Some people do, you know. A bit of a thrill to see how much you can do with most of your clothes still on."

"No, no. You can—I think I want to be naked for this. Do it properly."

Miranda shrugged her robe off the rest of the way and placed her hands on Liara's shoulders to turn her away. Her movements were quick and assured, without any of Liara's clumsy awkwardness. All was silent except for their ragged breathing and the zipper as Miranda stripped Liara's dress away. Liara gasped at the sudden shock of cold air that hit her. She stepped out of the dress and turned around.

Miranda's eyes were dark as she watched Miranda. She licked her lips once, twice, as if she were contemplating changing her mind and having Liara for dinner instead. "In these fantasies of yours," she rasped, "does the other person tell you how bloody gorgeous you are?"

Liara flushed. Sometimes people, especially Joker, had stared at her the way they stared at all asari. But she had never been the object of desire the way Shiala had been. It hadn't mattered because it saved her the awkwardness of rejecting them. But yes. Yes, she did want to be desirable to the person she finally mated with. She wanted to be adored, if only for the night. Miranda had certainly met those who were more beautiful than her, but she was willing to pretend for reasons of her own. Just now, Liara would be content with that. "Sometimes."

"Good, because you are." She drew Liara into her arms again. The feel of skin was a thousand times more intoxicating than silk. Miranda nuzzled her neck. "Stunning. Those eyes of yours. Did you know that the first time I met you I was convinced that you used a dye. Even mine aren't quite that blue. The way you move. Everything. Serrice? Nos Astra? They should have fawned over you the way they did those no-talent vid stars."

She placed her own hand over Liara's heart. "If you had lived on Earth a thousand years ago, men would have written love poems to you, started wars over you like Helen of Troy." She cocked her head with mock thoughtfulness. "Perhaps some still would. We humans can be an abominably stupid bunch when it comes to love. Yes, it's a miracle you haven't driven the entire crew mad by now. How am I doing?"

"F-fine." She was certain Miranda didn't believe a single ridiculous word she was saying, but it was nice to hear them all the same, even nicer to believe that Miranda was willing to go to such lengths for her enjoyment.

"I can keep talking, if you'd like. Tell you everything I'd like to do to you." Miranda's voice was as low and irresistible as an ardat-yakshi's in the old legends. "I'd toss you down on the carpet and seduce you right here. But I wouldn't rush. Oh, no. I'd take my time. I'd study you like you did your precious artifacts. Far better than 'getting it over with,' wouldn't you agree?"

Liara could only nod. It did sound quite thrilling, even the part about the floor. The idea that Miranda couldn't wait, even to get to bed because of _her…_

Miranda was grinning now. She set Liara gently on the floor. The carpet was soft, the sort you could sink into. "Illumination setting: three," Miranda murmured. The lights dimmed, replaced by a faint orange glow that seemed to emanate from the walls themselves. A synthetic firelight. Miranda loomed over her, an ancient priestess primed for some fertility rite. "I believe I'd start here." Miranda took one nipple between her thumb and forefinger and squeezed, first gently and then with increasing pressure until it was nearly painful. Nearly. Tension vibrated through Liara. _More,_ she wanted to say, but all that came out was a strangled cry.

Miranda stopped as abruptly as she began. Liara whimpered. Miranda couldn't stop now, could she? She wasn't cruel. Liara was beginning to wonder how she had ever thought her cold. But Miranda laughed at her.

"What's so funny?" Liara said. At least Liara hoped that was what she said.

"You. So eager. I never dreamed it would be like this."

Wait. Miranda had dreamed of this?

But there was no time to think. Miranda was on her again. Her mouth replaced her fingers as she tugged on first one nipple, then the other. Liara raked her nails over Miranda's back, exploring her in turn. Miranda kissed and nipped her way down Liara's body. Her stomach, her hipbone—nothing was too insignificant to escape attention. The tension built and built. Miranda's hands were lower now, forcing Liara's legs apart and tracing intricate patterns on the inside of her thighs that threatened to shatter Liara's mind completely. And there was only one way to find true release.

She dragged her hands through Miranda's hair. "The meld. Please. _Please."_

Miranda looked at her with the same strange expression she had worn when she turned down the wine, and for a moment Liara was afraid she would indeed stop. But then she nodded, and it began.

The knowledge bond had not prepared her for this. The union was like sinking into a warm bath after a long and tiring battle. Thought and memory swirled around her. So easy just to forget herself, to not be Liara T'Soni, former archaeologist and Shadow Broker. But there was something else here with her, hard, cold and solid like glass that had once been broken but had also been reassembled time and again. No, Miranda would not let Liara lose herself here.

She reached for the solid presence. She had the curious sensation of holding and being held, but also of having no physical body. Emotions not her own swirled around her. Fear, betrayal, doubt, but also a fierce drive to succeed. She would see humanity past this and she would see those she loved safe. No sacrifice was too great for that. And this time she would not be alone.

Memory intruded.

_Liara stood with her back to her, staring through the glass of what remained of Commander Shepard. "I failed," she whispered._

_"You didn't fail." Miranda took a step forward. "Shepard is here and not in the clutches of the Shadow Broker or the Collectors. "_

"_And Shepard will hate me for giving him to you."_

"_If Shepard does then he's a fool." Liara had been nearly raped, nearly killed during her time on Omega. All to see the corpse of her friend was shown proper respect. Miranda's throat burned. She doubted anyone would ever risk so much for her._

_Liara turned back to her. Even in her grief, she was beautiful. Not the way other asari were beautiful, but the way lightning and fire were beautiful. You were awed as much by the sheer energy as the sight before you. Liara was passionate about Protheans and about retrieving Shepard's corpse. It would be easy to subvert that passion for her own ends. Take Liara in her arms and watch as the pain and grief melted under her hands._

_But then she would be no better than any of the others who preyed on the desperate, whether the weapons were force or guile. No better than the batarians who had nearly forced themselves on Liara. And whatever else Miranda was, she was not that._

Panic overwhelmed her. _Not that. Why did she have to see that? _ The solid presence melted away, leaving Liara to tumble back into the physical world of the hotel. Miranda was half on top of her, and a thin layer of sweat covered them both. Miranda was rigid, her eyes closed as if in pain.

"Miranda?" It was a stupid thing to say, but it was all she could manage under the circumstances. Her reason seemed to have deserted her altogether, replaced by the words_ She wanted me_ beating in her head like a metronome.

Miranda's eyes snapped open and she jumped to her feet as if she'd been shocked. "I'm sorry. You were never supposed to see- I thought I could keep myself under control."

"You wanted to seduce me that day on Lazarus Station?"

"Yes." Her face was unreadable, her expression toneless.

A sudden thought raced through Liara's mind like an arrow. "When you helped me with Nyxeris and the Shadow Broker…"

Miranda shrugged. "I told you humans could be abominably stupid. Even the perfect ones, apparently." Her eyes were cold and dead. It would have been easier if she were crying.

At least then Liara would have had an inkling of how to feel or what to do. She had wanted to mate with someone who cared for her. Well, she had gotten her wish. "You ought to have said something." At least then she wouldn't be finding out about this in a hotel room while the world was ending.

"There never seemed like a good time. You were grieving or hunting for Feron or running your empire." Her breath hitched. "And I already knew what your answer would be."

Anger forced Liara to her feet. "How _dare_ you presume to know how I would feel!" She was vaguely aware that she must look ridiculous naked like this but was beyond caring. "I don't even know!"

Miranda's brow furrowed in confusion, the first sign of emotion. "You don't?"

"No, I don't."

Neither of them spoke for a very long time. Liara picked up her rumpled dress. It was true. She had no idea how she felt about Miranda. She liked talking with Miranda. Certainly she liked what Miranda had been doing to her before the disastrous meld. That wasn't love, but it wasn't friendship either. Damn Miranda for her cowardice. Damn her for not figuring it out sooner. They should have had more time.

Time for what?

Time to figure this out. She wanted to know what she felt for Miranda. Goddess. "I don't know what this is. Do you?"

Miranda's laugh was bitter. "Obsession. Infatuation. Insanity."

Maybe. Her head was certainly spinning enough. "I'd like to find out."

For a fraction of a second, Liara could discern Miranda's expression in the dim light. Shock. Fear. And a hope that made something twist painfully in Liara's chest.

Liara cleared her throat. "But you'd have to be honest with me. And I don't think this would be a good idea for the time being."

"Honest with you." It was hard to tell if Miranda's expression was a smile or a grimace. "You don't ask for much, do you?"

"And you asked for too little." And just like that she knew how to begin. "Humans have a saying: _in vino veritas." _She smiled_._ "I think I would like some of that wine now."


End file.
